Tonight, I am overwhelmed by God’s grace. The message tonight at church was about healing. Sometimes we think we aren’t praying big enough prayers or that we don’t have enough faith when God doesn’t heal us or provide the miracle we are asking of Him. I know in my heart that isn’t true, but sometimes it is human nature to let negative thought creep over us. God’s plans are bigger than we can ever imagine. Why God heals some and not others is a really hard concept to grasp. It’s been hard for me to understand while dealing non-stop with a painful illness that doesn’t have a cure. I know we live in a fallen world and our bodies will never be fully whole until we are with Him face to face. But I have wrestled with God about why healing comes for some but not others. After tonight, I am no longer wrestling.
I have read the passage below a thousand times, even since going through this disease, but I feel like Jesus personally read it to me tonight. The full weight of the scripture sunk into my spirit. The words were permanently etched onto my heart.
The timing of this message given just a day after my last post about my physical pain is more than coincidental. As my pastor began his message tonight I almost said out loud, “Wow. Okay, God. I’m listening.” I was in tears throughout most of the message. Besides a couple of times in my life, it was the loudest and clearest God has ever spoken to me. I am so humbled and full of peace. I am thankful for a pastor who listens to God’s voice and is intensely committed to Him. I know this message on physical, as well as spiritual/emotional healing spoke to many others tonight, but I definitely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wanted me to hear these words tonight.
The apostle Paul writes:
“…I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”
–2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message)
Like Paul, I too have been on my knees – praying desperately for a miracle… not just for me, but also for friends who are struggling with pain, disease and hard situations. It’s okay to keep praying for that. And I will continue to, but I am thankful that he reminded me in such a loving way that if healing never comes, HIS power is made perfect in my weakness. The weaker I get, the stronger HE becomes. His grace is ENOUGH!!!!
Use me. Use this disease and any brokenness in my life for your glory. I am undone.