Spiritual Reflections

I am…

Fragile. Frail. Weak. Human. Small. Alone.

These are the words I have been weighted down with lately. They lay heavy on my heart like a ton of bricks. I am so human. I am sometimes quite a mess of a human. I shock myself with how much I struggle and fight. Our flesh can overpower our faith and that’s when it must seem like a ripe opportunity for the evil one to lunge and make his move. We don’t want to be “ambushed” as my pastor said recently. It truly can feel like an ambush – a surprise attack that will catch me off guard and cause me to lose my senses. Satan wants me to think I’ve got a handle on certain sins, certain frailties. Like I am somehow “above” that one – stuff we think we would never struggle with but we are as human as the next person and completely capable of making the same mistakes. Just when we think we won’t fall for it, when all our pride is lumped up big in our throats – he comes in for the kill.

We like to make ourselves feel better. We hold onto our superiority as if it can save us. “I would never do that,” “I can’t believe they did that,” “How could he?,” “How dare they?” We compare and contrast each others sins like we are at an auction sizing up the items for sale. Then we put a value on them. That one is the worst one but this one is not so bad. And our own? Of course, they are on the “not that bad” list. I know because I do it. Sometimes it is subconscious but it happens. I have judged without even realizing it. It’s terrible but I think it’s easy to do.

I know the gut wrenching sadness that sin causes. I can safely say that in that moment when I’m hunkered down in the trenches, when I feel the hovering weight of spiritual warfare all around me and the heaviness in my chest – the ache of  being fully human and realizing how wretched I really am – I know I can’t judge anyone…for anything…ever. Jesus was the only perfect one. He cleanses and forgives me of my imperfections, my daily mistakes – the ones I try to categorize, justify and file neatly away – even in the very midst of my chaos! He gives me complete and utter grace instead of the punishment that I so desperately deserve. How could I – even for a second – not hold out my hands full of that same grace  to everyone including those I have judged – the fragile, frail and weak? For I am just as fragile. Just as frail. Just as weak. We are all so incredibly undeserving of His sacrifice. His cross should have been our cross.

In His love, there are no levels of value. It’s just grace…it is free and it covers all, it is everything.



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