Every day that has passed since my hysterectomy I have whispered words of thanksgiving to those of you who gave so that I could have the surgery. I have thanked those I know by name out loud and I have thanked the ones that gave anonymously. Maybe that’s why I needed to write this. I literally can’t send you a thank you letter, but I needed to write something. This is for you, too – the precious anonymous.
Every day that I don’t spend writhing in the pain that uterine tumors can cause, I thank you. Every day that I don’t wake in the middle of the night having to wash sheets and clean bathroom floors, I thank you. Every month that has gone by with better health and a happier me, I thank you. Every day I don’t have to make multiple calls to battle insurance, I thank you. Every month that I live and I don’t spend confined to the house, I thank you.
The surgery could not have happened without the generosity of those who gave and I just wanted you to know, in case you think maybe I have forgotten… that I have not and I will not. Ever.
Because not a day goes by that my heart is not overwhelmed with thankfulness. God provided. He provided through friends and even strangers. Strangers heard my story for the first time about the years of chronic illness and treatment I had been through and now the surgery that was needed and they gave without reserve. I fully realize that each day that I have without acute pain is another answered prayer. People that I don’t even know were praying that I would get the surgery I needed and their prayers were answered – I got the surgery to remove the “larger than a cantaloupe” sized tumor, my uterus, and my cervix with cancerous cells were all removed and I no longer have any of the symptoms it caused. My God is God in the miracle.
My God is God during my pain, too. I continue to have days where my neurological Lyme symptoms, fatigue and joint pain flare up on busy weeks when I don’t take care of myself or don’t get enough sleep. I take a step back, breathe, and reevaluate my schedule. It is something I will probably always battle, but I don’t get as discouraged as I did before because my God is still God before the mess, in the mess and He walks through the mess with me. I have felt lonely, I have felt abandoned by friends and family, I have felt lost, hopeless and hurt – but I never wondered if He was in it with me. He was and is always there…in the miracles and the messes.
I will praise him for the miracle of working through so many people to bring my surgery to pass when it looked like insurance had won. I will also praise him when my hands start shaking and my muscles can’t control themselves. I will praise him when the fatigue gets to be too much and I need to rest more. I will praise him when I hear the laughter of my chronically ill child because it means she’s having a good day. I will praise him when He reminds me daily that He is with me in everything – the good, the bad, the scary, the lovely and even in the things that are still a bit broken and left askew. He just wants me to love him no matter what and I’m learning that is easier to do when I give him all of me – every broken piece. I think it goes without saying that I am beyond thankful to those of you who picked up my broken pieces and helped put some of me back together.
I pray blessings, health, and joy over you and your families. I pray that you may be given exactly what you ask for in your time of need. I want you to know that we thank God for you at family prayers. I am and will forever be humbled by your gracious acts of selfless love.
I wish I could say this personally to everyone who gave. I wish I could tell you a thousand times how grateful I am and how thankful my family is for you. I wish I could send you personally written thank you notes on beautiful parchment paper, but this will have to do for now…
Thank you. From the bottom of my tumor-less, pain-free self.
I am better, because you cared.